“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.”

PSALM 139:23 (NIV)

The highway was clear, but my mind wasn’t. I had been wrestling with something for days. Not a person. Not a situation. Myself. The trees on either side of the road blurred past as I pressed the gas a little harder. I wasn’t in a rush to get anywhere. I was trying to outrun a thought that wouldn’t let me go. A dream I had that felt too big. A goal that seemed too bold. A version of myself I wanted to become but wasn’t sure I could. And every time I got close to believing in it, another voice rose up. Not someone else’s voice. Mine.

You’re not ready for that. You don’t have what it takes. Who do you think you are?

I passed Mile Marker 250.2, and the irony wasn’t lost on me. I was moving forward on the highway, but in my head, I was standing still. Sabotaging myself with my own thoughts. Discrediting my potential before I even gave myself a chance to try.

Why do we do that? The fields to my right were being prepared for planting. The soil had been turned over, dark and rich, waiting for seed. And I thought about how the farmer couldn’t stop halfway. If they did, half the field would produce, and half wouldn’t. The work would be wasted. The potential would be lost.

That’s what I was doing. Sitting on potential. Holding a dream in my hand and refusing to plant it because I was afraid it wouldn’t grow.

The most difficult thing I’ve had to do in my own life is face myself. Not in the mirror. Not in a literal sense. But in my thoughts. In the battle between what I believe I can do and what I’m afraid I can’t.

I thought about the other side of risk. The phrase I’d used in my own reflections before. On the other side of risk is reward. But you have to face the fear first. You must confront the voice that says you’re not enough and challenge it with the truth that God doesn’t call the qualified. He qualifies the called.

I’ve been willing to do hard things. But willing doesn’t always mean able. And able doesn’t always mean I have the willpower to see it through. That’s where the real fight is. Not in the doing. But in the deciding. In choosing to act even when my mind is throwing up every reason not to.

The truth is, the only thing that stops us from being, doing, or becoming is ourselves. Not other people. Not circumstances. Not lack of opportunity. Us. Our doubts. Our fears. Our refusal to believe that what God placed in us is enough.

I passed the exit for Johnson Creek and exhaled. I wasn’t going to turn around. Not on the highway. Not in my head. I was going to keep moving forward, even if it felt uncomfortable. Even if the voice in my head tried to convince me to stop.

Because what God has for me is for me. And the only person who can keep me from it is the one staring back at me in the rearview mirror.

The only thing stopping you from becoming is you.

Keep moving forward,

Dr. Key